Ashley Murray

Intellectual Autobiography

            Growing up in a home with two loving parents who had a desire for both my brother and I to obtain a college degree greatly helped with my literacy skills. As a child my mother and father would read to me and as I became familiar with the story I would want to “read” or better yet recite the story to them. Being able to “read” made me have confidence and inspired me to read more!

            Reading didn’t always come easy for me. I had a speech and language disorder which prohibited me from saying my r’s and s’s correctly. I was in speech classes from kindergarten through fourth grade. As a young child this didn’t bother me a great deal, however, very few people were able to understand what I was saying or reading. As I grew and became aware that my speech was different from others; I can remember hoping and praying that I wouldn’t have to read aloud a paragraph that had r and s words, especially the words roar and rural. Fortunately, I overcame my speech hurdle and gained more confidence.

            The earliest of my experiences with reading I can’t remember but my mother filled me in when I asked her, “how did I learn to read as a child.” She said she and my father read to me nightly before I entered school. Once in school I would bring home flash cards and I was so proud of knowing new words, the first thing I wanted to do when I came home was read them my words. During my speech classes I also would work with sight word flash cards which were an extra practice on reading. I then began bringing home “take home readers,” which my parents would read with me and to me.

            I also remember learning songs that helped me to spell and learn sight words, such as “R-E-D red R-E-D red I can spell read I can spell red. Stop signs are red, fire trucks are too R-E-D R-E-D.” I always loved to sing and this made learning occur with out my awareness. I believe that singing and music helps children learn language, and use their imaginations, along with putting words with feelings. As a child my mother and my grandfather would always sing the song “You are My Sunshine.” This song still brings the happy warm feelings I felt as a child when I learned the words to the song.

            Once I was able to speak and realized what school was, I began teaching my dolls on a daily basis. As soon as I would come home I would be in my room with my dolls in their desk and my chalkboard sitting on my dresser drawers. This was real life to me. I recall inserting every small detail that went on in “real” school. The dolls would sit in the  hall and wait on the bell to ring, and then they would answer the roll. Class would soon begin and inevitably one or more would end up in the office. Often times we only had reading class. Where I would sit reading to the students ensuring them that I would show every picture. This single event is the most vivid memory of reading that I can recall as a child.

            Reading soon became a task instead of an enjoyment. I can not remember one specific task or assignment; even a person that made me feel this way.  I can remember as soon as I would receive an assignment looking at the number of pages I was expected to read. I would often fall asleep during reading a passage and could not become interested in the material. I was a student who wanted to achieve my goals set for me and beyond, and not enjoying reading was not a choice I made, I just couldn’t motivate myself to want to read. I have always been able to read and grasp the main ideas of the story and for the most part the point the author was trying to make; however small details and important information was often overlooked and not picked up during my independent reading. I can remember a situation in high school where I truly changed from accepting reading to despising it. I was given an assignment on Emily Dickenson and I was to research and write a paper on her works. As I finished the assignment I was so proud of myself. I had searched and focused on gaining the small details of the story. When I got the paper back after the first edit session from my teacher I saw more red  pen marks then black printed words, and I can remember the comment written, “Ashley did you even read? It seems you haven’t picked up on any of the details of Emily’s life.” I was devastated! Being a student who strived to succeed and put forth so much effort I threw up my hands and said “thanks for the help.”  Even after writing and rewriting I still only ended up making a C on the paper. It was from this point on that I lost confidence and the little enjoyment I had left in reading. This single event in my life has helped me as an educator. This event happened in 1994 and ten years later I still remember it vividly. I still have the paper with the red marks filed in my school work files. Everyday as an educator I try to remember how I felt when this happened to me. When I have struggling readers or readers who just aren’t motivated I have to stop and brainstorm ways to help self motivate them so they can gain the confidence and enjoyment from reading that I lost on that day in ’94.

            Throughout college I was expected to read a great deal. I wanted to make my parents happy and achieve my goals of being the best student I could be. Being on the dean and chancellor’s lists was of high importance, and I knew I must read the material in order to achieve this honor. I had a professor who took the time to teach us reading strategies. I will always remember thinking how this was the first person in the field of education who agreed that all reading wasn’t exciting and that we needed to find a way to have a healthy mindset of it. I made it through college experiencing dean’s list or chancellor’s list all but two semesters. I was proud of myself, not only as a person but as a learner.

            Since college I have become an educator myself and in the classroom I strive not only to help my students become life long learners/readers, but to try to find an enjoyment in reading. This was something I didn’t have as a child and I often wish someone could have sparked the enjoyment of reading in me. I feel students can learn to read in many different ways, not just from a textbook. We often sing, choral read, buddy read, act out plays, and listen to books on tape. Pulling in outside information and activities help to grasp the student’s interest and hopefully light that fire for a love of reading.

            This past summer was the first time I can recall truly picking up books for pleasure. I was so proud of myself for reading three novels in three weeks. It was an awesome feeling that I had never experienced before. For the first time in my life I didn’t want to put the book down. I felt a part of the character’s lives and setting. This is the experience I have been yearning to have for twenty-four years. It is due to this experience that I strive to share with my children the honest truth about how I once didn’t like to read but over the years have learned to enjoy it and even look forward to picking up a novel to read for pleasure. I believe that modeling is a wonderful way for children to except reading and literacy skills. If children look up to an adult and observe them engrossed in books, papers, computer articles, and other literacy materials they will realize that this is important and fun!

            Finally I would like to address that fact that if I could chose the literacy path I would have taken mine defiantly would have been different. I believe reading is the road to learning. A person can learn so much by just reading. I do not place the blame on any of my educators, parents, or self for lack of motivation. I put the blame on me for not challenging myself and realizing the importance of reading until so late in my life. However I also know that it is never too late to start. Within my masters program I have been assigned many reading passage with the majority being researched based. I must say this has been a struggle for me! I made a commitment to myself to do the best I could do and learn the most I could learn to help better myself professionally. I have learned that it is okay to have to read and reread the passage and to read slowly to gain the information.

            Reading is an insight to the rest of the world. Learning can take place anytime you open a book, look at a paper, sing a song, or speak to someone. Words make up our language and with knowing these words and being able to comprehend a story read is a great achievement in itself. The road has been long, windy, and bumpy but finally I think I am on the way to enjoying reading once again!